As I previously stated I never thought that I would EVER end up dancing for a living. I guess I really shouldn’t say a living. I live quite comfortably. I own my car, only have one bill to pay, live with a friend so I don’t have to pay rent. I pretty much just dance because I actually enjoy dancing. I had this conversation with my boyfriend the other day.

Dane Cook once said on one of his specials that girls get together to just dance, “Guys I’m having such a bad day today, I just gotta dance!” Of course a man would never go up to his guy friends and say the same (even though I do know a male stripper who sometimes just needs to dance, but his performance on stage is exactly that, a performance. He doesn’t twirl around a pole or shake his ass to the beat, he simply acts out a little skit about 5 minutes long and gets off stage and rubs his junk on some girls. Hmmm… I wonder if I can get him to make a guest appearance on my page, I’ll have to look for his number. But that’s another story.)

Well, when I’m in a mood whether it be happy, angry, anxious, etc all I want to do is DANCE. I just need to get my pent up energy out of me in some way, shape or form and it works. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that I get paid to let all of my frustration out on stage.

I wonder if dear old “Daddy” knew that putting me on the stage at a young age would not make me want to be a Broadway starlet where I’d have to learn lines and be a prissy little bitch (no offense to anyone who is in any sort of performing arts), but that I would actually crave the attention and money I could get by dancing with my boobies out. LoL

The Hole is such a hole in the wall bar too. Which is why I think I enjoy it so much. I’ve been to other clubs that were flashy, had three stages, a million girls, tons of drama and great money but my heart belongs to that dingy little bar on the side of a road, on the outskirts of the main College bars in a crappy town of a city (or is it city of a town, I’m almost positive it’s a town but the “city” population has overtaken it so now it has become a city).

We have regulars, the same guys that come in at the same time of everyday, who sit with the same girls, who give the same dances to the same songs, and listen to the same stories of how _____’s wife doesn’t care about him anymore so he needs to find a way to release by buying you a pair of UGGs. Which of course your answer is,

“Oh _____, I’m so sorry *insert sad face*. Well, if it makes you feel any better, it was so cold when I woke up that my toes froze on my way to the car. What was that? No, I don’t need you to do that. What? Oh stop. Ok fine, I’m a size 7. Thanks baby *insert innocent smile*”

“No, I couldn’t possibly let you pay that for me, are you retarded *insert caring face*? No, really. But it’s SO much I’m sure I can make it by the end of the week *trail off a bit*. Ok fine, I’ll take it but that’s it! Thank you daddy *once again, insert innocent smile*”

(Both actual conversations I’ve had with stupid, stupid men who just have too much money, or sometimes not enough, but want to make you feel that they truly appreciate you. SMH).

Then there are “newbies”, the guys that either:

A) Turn you off completely because they have no clue how to act in a Go-Go bar

B) Want you to sit with them and tell them how everything works (how many girls there are, how many times do you tip, what’s a table dance like, etc)

Or

C) Come in there knowing exactly what they’re looking for, how much they’re willing to spend and maybe just maybe be able to leave with a dancer (silly, silly men)

“Newbies” are fun though. Especially the very young ones or very old ones (like most men, the in between stages of young and old aren’t really that cute. Sorry guys). The young ones are bright eyed and bushy tailed. There so excited to be enjoying a beer, burger and TNA that they don’t really care to comprehend what exactly is going on. And the older ones (most of the time) have tons of money to spend and are looking for the right girl to “make it rain” on (I also find it quite hilarious when older men actually DO say they’re going to “make it rain”).

Then there are the “once in a whiler’s”, they come in (you guessed it!) every once in a while. They know all of the old girls, want to get to know the new ones, have most likely been “burned” by a girl who used to work there but no longer does so they’re on to the next girl.

As for the girls at The Hole, we’re a big, happy family. There are the “Mother’s” of the clan, the women everyone tells their problems to, and who always take the blame for the younger girls. The “Shy’ girls who come in, dance, leave. The “Money Maker’s” who hustle the shit out of anyone and everyone who walks through those doors. The ones with issues (I think that would be all of us, but some more than others), who sit next to their “Regular” and tells him what terrible incident happened the night before, or maybe even that morning and just receive money for having such a sad, sad, terrible life. And finally, the girls that are a complete package of all of the above.

I don’t know what I would be classified as… I think I’m a little bit of each. I’m whoever the customer needs me to be. That’s what it’s really all about as long as you keep up the same act with each customer that you have. Sometimes they need someone who’s shy and needs some help getting the naughty out or vice versa. Or they need someone who’ll listen to their problems and truly need to believe that that person is all about them and what’s going on in their lives. The good thing about me is I’m a great pretend listener. I hear just enough to add a little bit of insight while scoping out the bar for the next guy who’s going to buy my drink or get a table dance.

Oh yea! Back to the reason I started dancing. I haven’t been doing it that long. Only a few months and it really just started because I already worked in the building and was interested to see how much I could make if I hopped up on stage. Needless to say, I made enough that kept me coming back and once I started building “relationships” with certain customers who would bail me out of jail if need be, I decided it was a great choice for now.

Before working at The Hole I had a normal, everyday job managing a store and got a HUGE surprise bill that needed to be taken care of IMMEDIATELY. I knew a girl who used to dance and she suggested it to me but I had no urge to remove my clothes in front of dirty old men who were just going to look at me like a piece of meat and rape me with their eyes. But, I did need the money, so one day I swallowed my pride and made my way over.

I asked the bartender if they needed any help and she said they were looking for Dancers or Shot Girls, “I’m all over the shot girl position, thank you!” She walked me around the bar to the owner who I sat with for an hour or so, not being interviewed but being told that everything in the club/world was “Sad, but true” I looked at him and asked, “Are there any happy endings here?” to which he responded, “It depends, you offering?” That’s when I knew I was at the exact spot I was meant to be LoL.

I kept my day job for a few months until I realized that I made more money selling juice shots 3 days a week than I did busting my ass for a boss who thought $9.25/hr for a 60hr work week was alright. When I left, I found out later, people at my day job had bets on how long it would take me to start dancing and so did the girls at The Hole. The rumor around the building was this, shot girls either left in the first two weeks or started dancing in the first four. I won this bet, even though I didn’t think I would dance at all, I waited ‘til I was there for 4 months before removing my top LoL.

My first two weeks I banked four grand. Of course I became money hungry! For the first time in years I paid all of my bills on time, hell I even paid months in advance because I could! I went on daily shopping trips because, well, I deserved it and I was happy and stress free. So, why stop? I get to drink for free, relieve stress, and get paid just for looking pretty.

I’d love to write stories of all of the great, disgusting, asshole men that I’ve met at the club but I think I’ll just add these day by day. There are too many stories in my head at the moment and my hands are cramping up so the “men” will have to wait.

Hello. Good morning, afternoon, evening or whichever timeframe you are currently enjoying. I leave it open because I enjoy thinking that people will actually read this all over the world and yes, in my little mind Everyone will.

To the outside world I seem to be a normal girl living in a podunk, college town in the middle of nowhere, Bumblefuck, actually. If you saw me walking down the street you would probably think I was walking to work or maybe a friends house. When you see me walking into the lingerie shop you’d probably think I had a hot date or getting something for some q.t. with my boyfriend and when I walk out with a huge black bag with a BRIGHT pink tutu sticking out of it, you might even be a little confused. Or… It would totally click, “Of course that girl takes off her clothes for money.”

Hmmm…

Now that I think about it, I wonder if people actually do think that when they see me?

I guess it doesn’t really matter. I learned at a semi-young age not to give a flying rats ass what people think. Unless of course, they’re paying my bills.

Hmmm…

Now that I think about that I guess I’ve always had a stripper mentality.

Like most little girls, I wanted to be a ballerina when I grew up. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that the dancing I would be doing would be topless.

I had your average childhood, happy family ‘til 5, parents got divorced, “Daddy” disappeared, “Mommy” got remarried, moved far, far away from everything I knew, started all over at a young age, “Mommy” moved, I worked hard, almost engaged at 20, started drinking at 21, pothead at 22, cleaned up at 23, binge drinker now (I know I drink for the feeling, not the taste. The first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem). Oh, I also started dancing at 23. Which probably explains the binge drinking, you can’t always do what I do with a sober mind.

I say dancing because I feel like “Stripping” is such a derogatory word. The only time I call someone a Stripper is when they piss me off. “That fucking bitch stripper…” or “That stripping cunt” (ooo the “C” word, also a dirty, bad, disgusting word). My friends think it’s funny when it comes out. One of my girlfriends and I actually play a little game we call “She’s a Stripper”, it’s pretty self-explanatory.

Of course, when people ask me what I do for a living I tell them I bartend or waitress. My poor boyfriend (yes, I do have one of those, Lord Bless his soul) thought I was a bartender for a week or two when we first started dating, until I slipped. Sometimes I wonder how long I would have kept up the charade. We haven’t been together long, only a few months but I can only imagine being together for a year or two and him thinking I have an office job or something ridiculous like that. Leave the house in a suit, just to strip down to my G-String and tank top as soon as I walk into “The Hole” (I wonder if he ever would have tried to visit or meet my coworkers).

Aaaa “The Hole”, one of the many places in the world where you check your soul at the door. That sounds awful, I should rephrase. Hmmm…

Ah-Ha! One of the many places where you lose total respect for humanity. Urgh. No!

Ummm… One of the many places in the world where you realize men are dogs and will do anything for a bone (tehe BONE, I don’t think I’ll ever be mature enough to not think that’s funny). Of course my job is to make sure that I get what I want while letting them THINK that they even have a chance to get said bone.

Oh, the games that we play to get what we want.

I LOVE IT!

I suppose I should get back to bed, my poor boyfriend is probably wondering where that warm body went to.

I am thoroughly excited about this though. Even if only one person likes this or becomes a “Follower” I hope it brings them (you) entertainment. I mean, God Damnit, I am an Entertainer after all!